People experience a wide range of emotions when a relationship ends and no two people experience it in exactly the same way or take exactly the same length of time to get over it. However, although it may not feel like it at the time, you can move on with your life following the breakdown of a relationship and, as well as time being a ‘great healer’, there are several steps you can take to get your life back on track and to start to look forward again.
Grieving The Loss Of Your Relationship
First of all, you need to allow yourself time to grieve the loss of your relationship when it ends. Initially, you may choose to do this internally on your own, although some people find that they want to seek support from other family members or close friends straight away and there is no harm with either approach.
However, you will be processing thoughts and emotions internally, which might include things like guilt, anger, blame, jealousy, shock and denial and despair, depression and sometimes a complete lack of self-worth. Ultimately, however, you will, at some point, want to confide in close friends and perhaps other family members. You might even seek out professional help if you are finding it impossible to come to terms with.
Practicalities
If you share property and/or have children together, you’ll need to spend some time sorting out the practicalities of things like joint finances, living arrangements, access to children etc and the sooner you can sort out some mutually agreed arrangements and establish some kind of new routine, the better that will be for all concerned. You’ll both need to agree to discuss these issues openly and honestly with one another and you both might need to be prepared to make some compromises.
Effects On Children
Don’t forget that your children will probably be feeling just as hurt and vulnerable as you and you may find that they’re going to need constant reassurance that things are going to work out just fine, especially in the early stages of the break up.
Keep On Top Of Your Health
The ending of a relationship is stressful and we can often neglect our health. Therefore, it’s important to still maintain a healthy balanced diet and to take regular exercise as both of these things are important alleviators of stress induced negative moods.
Stick To Routines
If you have a well-maintained daily routine, it’s important you stick to it. It’s especially important that you maintain any regular meetings, social or sporting get-togethers with family or friends. Locking yourself away in isolation is only going to make matters far worse.
Never Look Upon The End Of A Relationship As A Failure
Don’t fall into the trap of viewing your entire relationship in terms of it being a total failure. Life is all about successes and making mistakes and no relationships, even the most successful ones, are ever free from mistakes. The ending of a relationship is often an important stepping stone to discovering what it is you want and don’t want out of any future relationship and it gives you the opportunity to discover more about yourself and how you might approach a relationship differently next time around.
And You Do Have A Future
There will be a ‘next time’ and another relationship to look forward to. It’s crucial that you don’t simply get stuck in the past grieving constantly over your former relationship. Once you’ve got the grieving process out of the way you should start to set some fresh goals in your life and take manageable steps towards achieving them.
Don’t Apportion Total Blame On Yourself Or Your Ex-Partner
Don’t end up foisting total blame on yourself or your ex for the relationship ending. Once time has passed, you’ll almost certainly find that both parties played some part in the relationship breakdown so it’s better if, from an early stage, you take your share of the responsibility, tell yourself you’ll learn from those lessons and then move on.
Look To The Future
As you start moving forward, you should be looking to gain a total acceptance of who you are as a person, what lessons you have learned from the relationship, take any positive steps in terms of setting new goals and maybe even change your attitude and approach to relationships. Work through these issues gradually until you are satisfied that you have got rid of any remaining emotional baggage so that you don’t take that into any other relationship or else that might end in failure too.
